The Great Waste Hunt

Posted on

The Australian, 8 Febtober 2011

The only thing Australians love more than drought and flooding rains is a rort. Being descended from convicts, we know that the trick is to get in while the getting is good and the only bad rort is a rort we don’t get a slice of, which is then rebranded “waste”.

This waste must be hunted down and destroyed, which of course leads to arguments about what is and isn’t waste, generally depending on whether your child is enrolled in the private school that’s getting the new rugby field or not.

In the long run it’s probably a waste of time worrying about it too much, best stick your snout in the nearest trough and hope it all evens out in the end.

Tony and the dike

Posted on

The Sunday Telegraph 6 February 2011

The only thing more pointless than the flood levy (unless you happen to be particularly obsessed with a pretty bottom line during an election year, and You Know Who You Are) is adding to all the fuss and bother by opposing it rather than just raising a sarcastic eyebrow and waving the bloody thing through.

Tony’s even appealed for donations for his campaign against the levy. In case you were wondering, if you do in fact donate money to Tony’s campaign against the flood levy rather than, well, the actual flood relief appeal, there is something wrong with you.

DIY froth

Posted on

The Australian, 1 Febtober 2011


Sure, it would have been a lot less fuss and bother to pay for the flood cleanup without Jools’ Not So Big New Flood Levy, but what’s the point of being Prime Minister if you can’t cause a bit of fuss and bother now and then? Gives us all something to tweet about anyway.

The whole thing is just a storm in a teacup, and if the government had stuck to the teacups of the mums and dads of Australia, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but when you mess with my flat white, even if it’s just one a week (and is it just a cup, or is it a mug, and who gets the jaffa?) there’s trouble. Okay, I could just order another flat white, but caffeine withdrawal makes me irrational.

You can pry my flat white out of my cold dead hand, Gillard.