It’s time for Thunderdome

The Australian, 30 September 2010

The score so far: Labor wins the Battle Of The Deputy Speaker and the Coalition totally pwns the ALP over some amendment to standing zzzzzzz…

Sorry, I was just resting my eyes. Aussies do love a contest, but that extends to two flies crawling up a wall and no further. I know it’s the New Bloody Paradigm and I should get with it, but surely forcing me to even know that we have a Deputy Speaker is a violation of our Constitution. I would check, but I’m pretty sure actually reading Australia’s Constitution is also a violation our Constitution, at least in spirit.

Where was I? Contests. This whole “who cares who wins oh it’s all very complicated” group hug stuff has gone too far and is also contagious. Collingwood fans have had to wait a whole extra week to have their dreams crushed yet again and we can’t even decide who is Australia’s Top Model any more.

What Australia needs is Thunderdome. Two men (I’m willing to stretch that to one man and one woman or two women in this age of Political Correctness Gone Mad) enter, one man (or woman) leaves. Suddenly everyone cares about the Deputy Speaker position because there are chainsaws and bungee cords involved. Obviously there will be a few by-elections along the way, but these can also involve Thunderdome and costs will be defrayed by selling the TV rights and I for one will be tuning into Question Time.

One at a time on the podium, please.

The Sunday Telegraph, 26 September 2010

Apparently, if you’re at the Commonwealth Games and somebody shouts “AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE”, there’s a possibility it’s a trap, so best keep the OYs to yourself, sports fans. There’s also a rumour that the government is advising athletes to avoid drawing attention to themselves by winning a medal and if they do so, put on a kevlar tracksuit and make sure somebody else gets up on the podium first.

The New Paradigm goes pear-shaped

The Australian, 18 September 2010

It turns out there’s a little matter of the Constitution getting between Rob Oakeshott having his cake (possibly pear cake) and eating it. Sure, Tony seemed to be all for the Speaker getting a pair before the Indies got to pick the winner, but Rob, mate, that’s what we voters like to call an “election promise”. Probably best get used to it.