The Australian 2 June 2011

David Bushby, Senator from my home state of Tasmania, has brought shame upon himself and his constituents by meowing at Penny Wong during a Senate estimates hearing yesterday.

The odd epithet is nothing new in parliament and Bushby’s effort has been compared to Julia’s “mincing poodle” as an example of how this is in fact right and proper conduct for our elected representatives.

I think we can all agree that there’s nothing wrong with a good insult, however while Julia had obviously put a bit of thought into hers, the truly insulting thing about David’s effort was the sheer wretched banality of it.

Senator Wong was well within her rights to be livid. Estimates is one of Australia’s prime gigs for casting aspersions and while nobody’s expecting Oscar Wilde, as a Federal minister, Penny should be able to expect something a little better than a poorly delivered cat impersonation.

Honestly David, in the unlikely event you’re ever allowed to stick your bonce above the parapet again, do Tassie proud and roar like a lion, don’t meow like a cat. Woeful effort. I give it no stars.

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The Australian 1 June 2011

A carnivore might argue that if cows don’t want to be eaten they shouldn’t be so damn tasty, but unless you’re talking about boat people, blaming the victim can only take you so far.

Hey, I like a steak as much as the next caveman, but the level of cruelty involved in the live export trade displayed on Monday’s Four Corners programme was truly shocking. However, as with offshore processing of refugees, I expect the out of sight out of mind principle will probably work its magic and after a few half-arsed gestures from the government it will be business as usual.

The Australian, 31 May 2011

The life cycle of a Monty Python sketch is to start off funny and be quoted over and over and over by people who will never get girlfriends by doing so until it eventually has all the humour thrashed out of it and become public policy.

Think, for example, of the classic Argument Clinic sketch, or The Black Knight scene  and tell me these aren’t spookily prescient of modern political discourse.

Now turn your thoughts to this week’s burning of Cate Blanchett at the stake, then take a look at the witch trial scene from The Holy Grail (if you have never seen this movie, you are dead to me). Try to imagine Barnaby Joyce shrieking “She turned me into a newt!” and it all falls into place.

From what I gather, if Cate Blanchett weighs as much as a duck, then climate change isn’t real, and the science on Cate Blanchett/duck weight equivalence is totally utterly in, so take that and pass the matches.

The Australian 30 May 2011

I may well be alone on this, but looking at the big picture for a moment, if the human race really requires a celebrity advertising campaign in order to be saved, it is possible that the human race doesn’t deserve saving.

However, if we must have some sort of advertising campaign, these are the people who should be excluded from participating: Cate Blanchett, other rich people who don’t altruistically oppose a carbon tax on behalf of poor people earning less than $150000 per year, climate scientists who are, frankly, ruining it for everyone and anybody else who in any way thinks cutting back on burning fossil fuels isn’t crazy talk.

Sure, climate change may be real, but actually doing anything about it would involve quite a lot of mucking about. Best let the grandkids sort it out.