The Australian 15 September 2011

Nobody likes journalists, and neither they should. Awful people, mostly drunk, and not in a good way.

Fortunately there’s going to be an inquiry which will conclusively show that newspapers are biased, particularly when what is being read does not correspond with what the person reading it wants to hear.

It will also show that print media’s pretty much buggered and in a few years it will all be on ipads with an app that perfectly aligns the bias of the content with the bias of the reader so there’s that fixed.

While we’re waiting for this utopia to be realised, feel free to follow the steps above (though cut out the cartoon and place it lovingly on your fridge first). It will make you feel better about everything that is wrong with the world and probably sober up the journalist a bit. Of course, buying a paper may prolong the inevitable demise of print somewhat so you might want to factor that in.

The Australian 14 September 2011

History is, we’re told, judging the glorious procession of the carbon tax through parliament, though with any luck it’s only started watching now and missed the bit where the Coalition dumped Turnbull for acting like a grownup or where the Greens voted the ETS down because it didn’t have enough basket weaving or where Gillard encouraged Rudd to squib the ETS or the bit where she promised not to introduce a carbon tax before the election, and then, well….

Anyway, that’s all history, but not, you know, History.

Needless to say, it’s going to be a long 35 hours. Let’s hope the grownups prevail this time.

You’ve got to hand it to the PM, she’s bloody determined to destroy the people smugglers’ business model at any cost, presumably on the grounds that the war on drugs has so effectively destroyed the drug smugglers’ business model. Oh, hang on.

Hey, what would I know? I’m not the one running the place and thus charged with the sacred duty of keeping the voters of Lindsay from frothing at the mouth. That can’t be easy.

Anyway, if I were running the place, my first decree would be that any person uttering the words “people smugglers’ business model” would be immediately smacked in the face with a large cold wet fish, though that would be a bit rough on the fish.

Update: due to singular demand, now available as a t-shirt on redbubble.

The Australian 12 September 2011

The asylum seeker debate seems to have devolved into a slightly depressing episode of Getaway with Jules plumping for the exciting beatings of Malaysia while Tones spruiks the simpler pleasures of a small pile of birdshit in the middle of nowhere. Might be an idea for somebody to change the channel.